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I will hunt you down Dumbo you mingebracket!
There's been a bit of a cock up on the casting and scheduling front!
So Big Ears Clunes is going to be Reggie Perrin is he? If this fat lipped dribbling gormless lumpen talent vacuum thinks he's got the chops to pull it off, then i am the most incredibly macho man you've ever fucking seen. BBC, i will hunt you all down for this*, luckily for Clunes, even at my most stealthy and ninja like, he'd be able to hear me coming from about twenty kilometers away. Utter, utter cunts! Every man jack of 'em!
This has made me too angry to do anything at all yesterday, normal service will resume tomorrow, and lengthier, better, ranting skillz.
as you were
*obviously, i didn't get where i am today by making idle internet based threats and ACTUALLY carrying them out. I'm far too much of a lazy fucknut!
Pint sized pisspot motorsport despot!
Doughnut shown, actual size. Serving suggestion.You've even stolen Anne Widdecombe's hair you microscopic myopic mentalist.as you were pissflappers
Flat topped food rapist and theramin voiced titbush!
Must......stroke.....foods.....inapropriately!
Dear Mr Rhodes, kindly refrain from showing the kind of sexual attention that should be shown to your wife, to lettuce leaves, porcini mushrooms and langustines. This kind of creepy food rapery is not what i'm pressganged into paying my license fee for! Next time you're unfortunate enough to see the Kid'n'Play/Ray Reardon cross pollination haired whiney fingernails on chalk voiced kitchen poltroon, watch his hands. It's almost Nosferatu like the way he caresses and places the food on the plate, he doesn't want to eat it, he wants to fuck it, HARD! It just puts appalling images in my already weakened mind of Rhodes with his slender elongated member sliding forcefully in and out of a potato salad. And as for that hair! What the christing jebus is that? Is it a Kid'n'Play homage? Does he secretly want to cater for appalling 80's Harlem house parties, doing the running man with a selection of forest fruits crammed under his foreskin and drizzled with a raspberry couli?
Please make him stop before he bums my fridge and sucks off my fruit bowl.
as you were clambakes
Step over, step over, step over, flounce, flounce, pout!
Smugness thy name is Cristiano.
Oh noes! Football! Yes, yes, stop your whining you maggots, not everyone on the internets masturbates over the wire and battlecock galacticanus you know, other things exist! Once in a while a footballer comes along who is so unashedly smug that punchable is simply not enough of a description of their face. I could build a glove made of lead, filled with mercury, with claw hammers, awls, syringes full of hydrochloric acid and panda piss, frag grenades, porcupines and chainsaws attatched to the outside, and it would still not have enough punching power to do enough damage to the chinless pock-marked show pony's charmless pouty fizzog. Not even the legendary George Foreman Cuntpuncher has enough clout!Is it the fancy Flatley-esque footwork, making him look like a riverdancing baby giraffe, or the petulant huffing and puffing when things don't go his own way? Is it the diamond fucking earring? Is it the swaggering sub Cantona goal celebrations? (well, no, in that case, what makes Manure's celebrations so fucking irritating is that you can guarantee that within secomds of a celebration starting Rio "face out of the simpsons" Ferdinand will pile ontop and gurn like a fingered simian into the camera, the cunt!) Then surely it must be something to do with the modelling, the hollyoaks lingerie model girlfriend? NOPE! It's the fact, at this particular moment, that he can write off a ferrari, and still fucking live! Where's the justice in this world? There is no God!
Let him fuck off to Real Madrid, the join the dots faced rubber necked spazzpanel.
as you were flesh pittas
Specifically the txt spk pissflap nadbuckets on youtube.
I just wanna feel his pain, Curt rocked you fagit!
Those who are unfortunately familiar with the shite i churn out will probably be aware of the short and shite animation, "Kurdt Kobain in 10 seconds" that i made a couple of years ago or so. Ever since i threw it onto you tube (and thanks to a B3ta newsletter link) it's had a stupid amount of hits, mostly it would seem, from 13 year old omnitards from backwoods america who worship the slack brained loose jawed bag of suicidal self pitying cackjuice that was Kurdt Kobain. If you've seen it, then go back and have a look through the comments, if you haven't, then ignore the waste of 14 seconds that is the "film" and have a browse through the minds of malcontent septic (predominantly, judging by the spelling and homophobia) youth!
Browse the opinions of children with obsessive cuntpulsive disorder!
The main dipshit nonces love to repeatedly offer death threats or the offer of money for my death! It's fucking hilarious! Every morning there are at least 3 fresh frenzied illiterate keyboard mashes from kids who should be playing with toys rather than the concept of their place in the universe through the medium of a dead smack bag, and i fucking love them all for it! Infact their ramblings are so hilarious i don't even have to bother to try and write anything, just have a look, it's a mindfuck of brain wrong on a superb scale.
I'd be worried, but i don't think their mums will let them out after 5pm, and all sharp objects are locked away so they can't play noughts and crosses on their forearms.
Go feed on the minds of imbecilic pre-pubescent self loathing and dead junkie worship!
as you were
But he's so funny!
No he's not, he's a potato headed, pube haired belm conduit who mistakenly believes that preposterously ill informed opinions are facts. Blustering wankhatted shitboxer.as you were
Blood Sugar Sex Fuckwits.
The Thunder Thumbed smack bucket and posterboy for rebels in Burton's suits everywhere, "Flea".
Oh where to start? Weak soft rock funk version of Level 42, but look they've got tattoos and dress all cool! Pitiful old men desperately trying to cling to their fading youth by making dreadful loathsome MOR dadrock with the weakest of shitty funk piss backing. I would gladly urinate on them if they were on fire, especially if i could substitute the word piss for pour more fucking petrol on them. As bad, if not worse than Robbie fucking Williams. Stop giving them your money, they only deserve your scorn.
There's something about this band of tedious pumped up waxy ballbags full of testosterone and heroin that makes by ears become sentient and desire a Michael Ryan style rampage. Let's look at "Flea", now i'm sure he has a proper name, but i am too lazy and disinterested to look it up, it would also involve me having to see another picture of the gurning smack dwarf's face, ravaged as it is by years of funk rock grimacing and earnest balladeering gurn. Now i'm no spring chicken, and admittedly on shaky ground as a man approaching 40 who is often seen dreesed in clothes a 25 year old woman would consider too young, but, will you please grow up you pisscloth! I get infuriated by the likes of RHCP and Slipknot et all, old men churning out "youth anthems" from their expensive studios, arriving in their ludicrous cars and on their custom choppers (you know the ones, built by that lardy beardo and his two retarded sons that run purely on jism and pheremones), and telling the yoot how they really feel inside. I think it's important for the kids to know how they really feel, from the perspective of a mid 40's junkie who thinks that the Status Quo waistcoat is a clothing essential. Not that i give two fucks about the kids, if they lap this shite up then they should contract earn nose and throat herpes and spend the rest of their lives paying for their lack of taste by seeping gangrenous fluid from all their upper head cavities. Funk rock! Funk Fucking rock! Why? Please Jebus, tell me why! It's Level 42 for oasis fans, the kind of people who say, i like hed kandi, bit of r&b, nut i really like indie music, y'know, like The Chilis, Oasis, The Kooks.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
One day a rain will come and wash you scum from the streets.
Although it's more likely to be a bit of light drizzle, in the form of one aging unhinged tranny waving a couple of claw hammers with 8" nails welded onto them squealing incoherently and flailing like a wonky windmill.
They have done this to me, i now have veins on my forehead like a relief map of the mississippi delta. CUNTS!
as you were.
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