Tuesday, 3 March 2009

WALKERS CRISPS

Do me a flavour?

A review of the new Walkers range, in full, without a picture as i feel ill.

BUILDER'S BREAKFAST:
You know when you've had a fried egg sandwich, and four hours later you belch and it tastes of sulphur? Well combine that with the distant memory of an unclean rimmed anus. That's them that is.

CAJUN SQUIRREL & HOISIN DUCK:
Dear Mr and/or Mrs Walkers.
I have been a career crisp eater for my entire life, i have only previously failed to finish one bag of said comestibles in my entire thirty eight (almost) years. That was a packet of lamb&mint Tudor specials in 1993, they tasted like toothpaste and vomit. These two flavours were worse, you may aswell have come up with ringpiece & babyshit and dogg egg & corpse flavours. You cunts.

Yours sincerely
C Coxall Esq

CHOCOLATE & CHILLI:
One bite brings potential, there's something more to these! The second brings disappointment at walkers for succumbing to the kind of whacky shitehouse idea that timmy mallett would rule out for fear of looking like too much of an aching bellend. The crisp equivalent of a novelty disney tie.

ONION BHAJI:
I am hideously addicted to these and daily see the look of disgust on the face of the man in the corner shop as i shamefully buy two bags when i get my tabs in.

FISH & CHIPS:
Like being spoken to by a friend you don't like who has no idea of personal space. He breathes into your nose, you can smell the distant lingering aroma of your own sainted mother's mimsy. Deeply deeply unpleasant.

These are the votes from the Hitchin jury.

1 comment:

  1. Your still a bell but i like this rant :p

    ReplyDelete