Monday, 12 January 2009


Flat topped food rapist and theramin voiced titbush!



Dear Mr Rhodes, kindly refrain from showing the kind of sexual attention that should be shown to your wife, to lettuce leaves, porcini mushrooms and langustines. This kind of creepy food rapery is not what i'm pressganged into paying my license fee for! Next time you're unfortunate enough to see the Kid'n'Play/Ray Reardon cross pollination haired whiney fingernails on chalk voiced kitchen poltroon, watch his hands. It's almost Nosferatu like the way he caresses and places the food on the plate, he doesn't want to eat it, he wants to fuck it, HARD! It just puts appalling images in my already weakened mind of Rhodes with his slender elongated member sliding forcefully in and out of a potato salad. And as for that hair! What the christing jebus is that? Is it a Kid'n'Play homage? Does he secretly want to cater for appalling 80's Harlem house parties, doing the running man with a selection of forest fruits crammed under his foreskin and drizzled with a raspberry couli?

Please make him stop before he bums my fridge and sucks off my fruit bowl.

as you were clambakes


  1. if it helps, he's bulimic, and if you ever watch his stuff, he has to hold food in a really odd way to avoid showing his blistered fingertips

  2. my hair naturally looks like that :(

  3. Ha ha ha - brilliant! Classic.

    "Sliding forcefully in out and out a potato salad" ... wipes tears...

  4. Funniest thing I ever read in my LIFE!